Re GEL do you ever patiently tell her "That isn't what I said....
BTDT. sometimes it works. Sometimes it becomes a platform for BB telling me what (in her opinion) I really want to say but am too chicken to say it. If I go to no-chicken mode, BB usually finds more to prove her point.

I am trying to not have to explain things over and over again. Sometimes, something needs to be clarified but I also see the value in book/forum concept, "she heard it the first time."

We got a call to meet friends for lunch. I took a road that BB didn't think was the best way, she said we will be late going that way.

I said we will be on time and didn't mind the extra traffic. BB does the hand on the hips thing and said "fine, its about you." We got there 2 minuets early.

When we were about to turn left into the food place, BB said we will have trouble getting across the street. I said I am not worried and let one car pass, then made my left turn. BB felt more of the it's about me/Lou and more un-listened to.

We got into the parking lot and BB said there won't be a place to sit judging from all the cars in the parking lot. I said some of the cars are employee vehicles and never saw all of the seats taken the other times we were there, lets look inside before worrying about a place to sit. Once inside, about 40% of the seats were empty. Then the order line was too long for BB but what did that matter. I always do the ordering anyway.

Then I listened to an hour of cat care and rescue talk. Who bought which house, went golfing, or on an expensive vacation. No talk of who painted their house or things I normally do.

I feel out of touch of what other people do with their time. I guess I need to go on the "Wife Swap" program and get some fire put under me to join in on what people do these days instead of doing what I did in the 70's. Should I change my screen name to Red-neck or hillbilly Lou?

I just described an event to illustrate why I don't explain some things to BB. She has too many imaginary road blocks for me to solve. I think right now it is just better if I don't say too much IRL.

I've literally had to sit in front of my H and repeat (sometimes up to 7 times) "that's not what I said
I have done "that is not what I said or wanted to imply." Then comes that is the way "she feels, or has a different opinion" which is another way to tell me I can't convince her of much anything, hence the "why try" attitude sometimes. GEL, I hear you but don't know when to explain something over and when not to.

I sense a limited amount of energy within me right now. I feel like I have to budget what emotional energies I do have, right now. Maybe later I will.

It's exhausting to do this, believe me I know....but I've found the effort well worthwhile
Yes, it is exhausting GEL. Right now I don't have it in me to do the work it takes for the amount of reward.

With all I have read, posted, advice given to me, I am not putting to effective use. Not matching up problems with solutions. Overkilling one problem and under implementing another? Maybe we (BB and I) are both right and different in what we want.

Right now I feel I have to let go and be in a frame of mind as long as I don't add to much fuel to the fire I/BB won't get burned as much.

Long ago, I talked to a kid that got drunk and asked him if he could figure how to stay out of trouble when he drank. He said "I know my mouth gets me in trouble so when I drink, I don't say much." Right now I think I am in a similar place. NO, no drinking for me unless it is a diet cola. I am sort of waiting things out as I know some of this is me and some is BB.

Lou