I'm sure you've tried this....but when she takes your comments as personal attacks do you ever patiently tell her "That isn't what I said....what I said was..... What you are hearing ISN'T what I'm saying at all."
I know that almost sounds condescending to someone if you say that....but it's honestly what I've had to do to my H repeatedly, because he jumps to the negative so often.....or assumes what I mean, or twists my words. As I've said a couple of times before....I've literally had to sit in front of my H and repeat (sometimes up to 7 times) "that's not what I said....." before he would begin to hear what I was actually saying to him.
It's exhausting to do this, believe me I know....but I've found the effort well worthwhile.
