Thank you for sticking with this dialogue, Lou. It must seem like the third degree. But one of the things I like about this board is that we can get deeply into something-- at least as deeply as you can when not sitting with someone in person. You're very tolerant to put up with this from me. I appreciate it.
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In a round about way, I asked BB, what are some good traits she has that she would like people to know more about. She said none. I said she takes care of the animals well, sticks to schedules, and exercises on a regular basis.

Whoof! It hurt to read that... she thinks she has nothing much worthwhile about herself. That makes me sad to read. Sounds like very low self-esteem.

My mother is like this... she has gone through most of her life consumed with self-loathing. She has always believed that she is utterly worthless. It's only recently, in her 80's, that she has glimmerings of a notion that she might be just as worthwhile as anyone else.

There's really nothing you can do directly for someone who thinks they have minimal inherent worth. But you can STOP teaching, correcting, micromanaging them, as a way of not making it worse. If someone already feels they are worthless, and you're always trying to correct them or "help" them, do you see how this doesn't help at all?

If you asked your kids (can't remember how many kids you have), "What are your mom's best qualities?" what would they say?

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I hinted she had some traits that were good and she said she was grumpy to people and knew why some people don't like her.

Of COURSE she knows she's grumpy and why people don't like her! She doesn't sound stupid, just full of self-hatred.
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I think she was trying to bait or string me along.

What do you mean by this? If you mean she was trying to bait you into paying her a compliment, well, yeah, maybe she was. So pay her a compliment already.


Sounds like both of you are on a starvation diet.