This is what I was getting at:

BB says something outrageous like "All gay black Jews should be deported back to Africa" or something really backward and off the wall.

Instead of trying to reason with her and point out the absurdity of such an opinion, instead of trying to educate her, you simply say "oh," and walk away.

Then she says, "Why are you being so moody/mopey/pouty?"

You KNOW you are not being moody. You just didn't want to take part in a stupid conversation.

So what difference does it make if SHE thinks you're moody when YOU KNOW you're not?

You wrote
Quote:

Because I was acting moody/withdrawn. And that is not how I want to act. I can imagine being like that around friends and after a while even my friends see our interactions are sub-par.


I took this to mean that you do not want to act moody, and you also do not want to act in ways that she will interpret as moody.

Well, if you don't want to act moody, then don't. Period.

BUT you have NO CONTROL over how she interprets your behavior.

I mean, if she says something and you simply do not hear her, and she accuses you of ignoring her, she is simply mistaken. You cannot control the fact that she interpreted your behavior this way.

I think the only way to save your sanity is to act more independently of how she reacts, how you think she might react, how she interprets you, what she thinks of what you say and how you act... when you know that your actions are benign and are performed in your own best interest.

I see nothing to be gained by arguing with her that the idea of sending gay black Jews to Africa is utter and total B.S. And if she wants to interpret your unwillingness to talk about that as being "moody," you cannot control that.

You can control your actions, but you cannot contol how she interprets your actions. You can waste time trying to explain yourself and trying to make her understand... but why?



I suppose as an alternative, when she says something stupid, you can say, "oh," and then immediately change the subject to something sensible/positive. I think telling her that you don't want to listen to negative stuff is totally reasonable... tell her that if she persists, then every time she starts complaining, you're going to go off somewhere and be cheerful by yourself until she can see the world in a better light.