Should you be less serious? I don't know. You could try it for a while and see if you like it.
I see now that probably I whacked you harder than I needed to, even if was a feather pillow. I see that you were using the church thing as an example and not just a complaint.
As for whether you do things as a couple or as a married person doing stuff on his own... that might be an interesting question to pose to the group.
My late H and I really had no "couple" friends and we did no activities with other couples. I worked, had my ladies group and had lunch with people. Every now and then we had a party, and they were terrific, because all the people I know love to read, listen to NPR, and talk!
Lunching was and is my primary form of routine socializing, because I live so far out in the sticks. I really do no socializing at home at all. By "lunch" I mean meeting in a restaurant for breakfast, lunch, dinner, coffee. I don't do bars.
When a spouse dies, sometimes the surviving person is lost socially because all of their friends were other couples and they tend to drift away (the way single friends drift apart when one marries, or married friends drift apart when one couple has a baby). That didn't happen to me because all of our friends were originally my friends before we married. My H had two friends, but both of them died.
With my bf, we also have one couple that we like both people and they have been out to my house for dinner and that was fun. But I can't think of any other couples that we know. I have lady friends who are married, but I usually see the women singly at "lunch" or in my book club or ladies group. My bf, like many men, really doesn't have "friends." He knows people-- guys-- that he checks in with every now and then, but he doesn't keep in close touch with people through getting together and frequent emails like I do.
All of that rambling is to say I wonder how much "couple socializing" really goes on in the world outside of tv and movies. Let's face it, the 50's when the Ricardos and the Mertzes lived next door and did everything together are long gone. When both partners work and kids are tied up with school activities, how can you socialize during the week. And on weekends, people are catching up with chores they didn't have time to do during the week. These days even toddlers have to have play dates!
What form DOES your socializing take, Lou? BB sounds like my parents. They were so picky about people that they had no friends. Is BB close to anyone? Does she have a close girlfriend?
Your comment
Quote: I am somewhat like BB in a way. Sometimes frozen in inaction mode. That has been one of my personal goals to break the stagnant inertia in some areas of my life.
i very insightful. Usually the things that bugs the most about other people (especially people close to us) are traits we have and can't see/don't like in ourselves. I can see where calling the church was a way to cut through all of the "I wonder" speculation.
If you put as much energy into pleasing yourself and following your own interests as you do into attempting to please BB, I wonder what your life would be like?
