RE Heather "I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better"? Thanks for the post and book endorsement.
Heather, I started out trying to fix the R. I know it takes two to do that, hint about me. Right now I am saying BS to BB's statements, that I and other people don't support her, that people had or have it in for her. I certainally can understand her feeling that way and have said so.
RE GEL a)Validating simply stated means that you basically listen to them and empathize to a certain extent that they have a right to "feel" the way that they do. b) No matter how nutty they may appear to you
I do the a) part but feel like it makes the b) part worse by letting some of this go on and on.
There was a situation here at home I did not mention on the forum. It involved a mother daughter/birthday party comment that caused a rift in a mother daughter relationship to go on for 9 months, of little contact and the contact was strained. The major participants at onetime decided no more birthday parties.
It happened a couple of years ago but BB uses the example to explain her POV and why she thinks I am against her and usually don't support her as she thinks a husband should.
This adds to or continues BB's position that some people have it in for her or that if she were someone else better, that better person would have been treated with more respect.
BB's assumption, that she gets the short end of the prize spills over into her opinion of me.
I try to support her and am defending myself at the same time. That is one reason we or at least I, go over this global issue for the 250th time.
It took almost a week, but I think BB is starting to discuss things more fairly. I think she is using the concept of debate in a more factual way, rather than in a way that she feels like she is being attacked and has to defend herself at all costs.
I know I am less clued into some social interactions and what is going on behind the words and highly visable actions, so will admit I don't see all of the disses BB sees or feels. FWIW.
