I said "have it in for you" that is what I don't see. I see people looking at things from their POV, not that they want to get your goat and that is where we differ. I said I was trying to help her feel better, that no one was out her, even when they made a cutting remark.
It seems to me that where you feel like you are supporting, it may seem to BB like you are not supporting but rather arguing with the way she sees things. She thinks people are out to get her. You don't. But to support her, you validate not dispute. If you disagree with her point of view so much that you can't bring yourself to say 'I understand why you might feel that way', then maybe you can just listen really well, look her in the eye, nod your head and/or make some validative noises, mm hmm, really?, etc.
Have you ever read "I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better"? It's a great read Lou, of all the books I've read, there is so much practical information in that book that I would recommend it to absolutely everyone. It explains how your job as a listener is not to solve the other person's problems, it is just to listen, to be there. I hope you'll take a look at the book, since you've said this is your 250th try, I was wondering if maybe your tries are really 'more of the same' and perhaps you need a different approach. Good luck.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
