Re Martelo Sometimes people are unpleasable no matter what you do, the great thing about this for you is that once you realize that nothing will please them you can do what ever YOU want because it makes no sense to try to please that person.
Martelo, exactly where I am now, and like Paul was walking on eggshells to avoid some problems, but confronting other problems big time. I can it was confusing to my W/BB at times.
Back to the unpleasable thought. BB wants to start attending church again. I asked her what was wrong with the last 3 "we" went to and the last 6 I attended. BB had her list and the main item was "the people were not friendly." I suggested she had as much or more to play in the unfriendly part as the church members did. My point is some people want the other people in the R to do most of the work, and by gosh, you better do it their way.
I think the same thing plays out in M also. I see a very narrow vision/mental picture of what constitutes fairness in relationships.
I will assume that the people involved here are intelligent Some very intelligent, especially when it comes to certain elements of R's. Collectively, this is a very intelligent group. The main thing I see is the group's willingness to learn new things.
passionate folks Yes, very caring and passionate.
folks who find themselves in difficult relationships Some R's are almost normal. Some R's have a few lopsided elements. Some R's have some serious problems.
folks who .....are trying there best to improve with intelegence, feeling, compassion and respect That is true.
I am here for insight to my situation that I miss and to avoid doing too much or too little sometimes.
One problem I see is almost everyone gets in a slump and looks at their own situation more negatively than it really is at times. Then a short time goes by and the same poster is almost elated. In reality not much has changed.
I think the ups and downs are more to do with little things in the R that indicate to the individual poster, something is moving in a firm direction, either for some good or bad outcome.
I see that progress takes a long time in some cases and the typical state of a relationship is more of the same most of the time. Those little changes are so infrequent sometimes, that they become more valuable/higher worth than they really should be. Sometimes that is because the poster is such a deficit state from reading and hoping the R will improve, any small change can be interpreted as a turning point.
As far as the forum goes, we support and encourage each other. That is so important.
As I am new and every ones stories are unknown, please excuse if I insult or repeat things that have already been discussed. Well Martelo, I am going to bust you in a friendly way.
One of the things we try to instill on the forum is don't apologize for things that are normal. No one can know all of the history and stories posted on the forum.
One goal of the forum is to encourage people to have a "can do attitude" and positive mental attitude (PMA).
Another thing is most people want and like honest opinions stated in posts as long as the opinions are written in a civil way and are based on some experience or knowledge the writer has.
We have a poster that was having marital and self-esteem problems and was making progress. Everyone was a big help to him, that is till he forgot to mention he was still involved with a former OW.
Some strong assumptions were made, some opinions given, and I think the forum as a whole is in better condition.
To me it is like this. If you see me and my fly is down, and don't tell me, you are not a really good friend. To me a good friend will tell me things I need to know and not worry if he or she is going to embarrass me or her/himself. I.E. were tough enough to hear the truth, know there is more than one answer to a problem, and knows no one is perfect or infallible.
