I feel for you big time. It seems like you were really blindsided. I know my W sees my desire to seek professional help as a sign of weakness. I of course do not agree. If you don't seek professional help when you have a sharp pain in the abdomen, then all your troubles may in fact cease, as will you. It has taken me years to come to the conclusion that professional help is appropriate. And it's not to find someone who will order W to have sex with me (W may fear that's what I have in mind.) I think she defines weakness as my inability to follow her instructions, however unclear they may be.
I think I have changed. I just don't care to try to change her. My Bday is coming up and I asked her to come to a concert with me. Of course she gave excuse after excuse. This is a ballet performance, and she raved about this company when we (whole family) saw them last year. So I can't win for losing.
Yes, she turned 40 this year, but her behavior has been consistent for at least 6 years.
