Unfortunately, I think it is mostly my incredible fear of being alone and being financialy and other wise insecure, that keeps me from moving on.
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Hi optimist,
Just wanted to respond to what you said above. Having gone through a divorce already, let me give you my perspective on things.
Your fear is probably what is ultimately hindering your best efforts. Conquer your fears first. In my marriage, I was so afraid of being alone, and of having to depend solely on myself. But it's been 2 years since exH and I seperated, a year since we D and guess what. My life is ACTUALLY BETTER than it was when I was married in so many ways. I take care of myself financially, after exH moved out, a friend of mine moved in as my roommate (love her!), I bought a car (I had a phobia of driving that I overcame to do this!), I'm going back to school, I've taken long vacations by myself (and loved every minute of it...), etc, etc. In fact this coming weekend, I'm going to drive 3 hours alone to another state to do my college residency. I'm a little scared frankly, but guess what Anais Nin said, "Life expands or contracts according to one's courage."
I cannot tell you how much strength you WILL find within you once you start doing things that you're afraid of. FACE your fears and begin loving yourself. There is salvation in this ultimately. Once your H sees your love for yourself and facing your fears (he might see a subconcious change in you), he's going to get respect for you.
My exH and I are now friends and yes, he does respect me and gosh, neither of us thought I had it in me to get to where I am now! Strong (on most days, as I'm back on the boards, DBing again for my new relationship...by the way, this relationship fractured mainly because I hadn't regained ALL my strength after my D and I hadn't conquered my fears yet) and independent...and loving. Loving is the hardest for me!
I believe that the human spirit is inexhaustable. Find your spring of love and strenght within you. It will set you free!
Love, Rainbow
Sending you my best wishes and thoughts...hell, maybe prayers even (I'm not very religious)
