Well, I'm seriously considering ignoring the 3rd email. I still haven't answered his "where are you?" message. I don't really want to say I've been busy, because that will be all the more reason not to call. Maybe I could say I just haven't been checking my email. Even though, that doesn't sound very likely.
When he has called it has usually been on the weekends. Maybe if I don't return his emails at all, he'll call this weekend. I kind of don't want to ruin my run of willpower here. But I'm also starting to feel a little bad about being spiteful. I don't FEEL spiteful at the moment, but second guessing all this "do I email him, do I not" is starting to feel a little childish.
Oh, well. I don't feel like responding right now. Maybe I'll feel like it tonight. After step class and another light beer. I'll have to try ultra light next week.
cat-I do weight watchers too, although I've never tried the carrot cake. Problem is, if I have a box of that kind of stuff around, it's gone in an evening or two. I'm very bad that way.
I don't know what's gotten into me and why I'm posting so much. But it's helping me focus so I won't second guess it.
How did I do on my three goals today? Well, food wise, I had two hot dogs and two cookies for lunch. But I counted them and I have been very good so far this week, so I'm still OK. I will have to keep myself on track tomorrow so I don't slide down that slippery slope. Now I am sitting here sipping another light beer after step aerobics class. Don't like step (or any aerobic class) much, but it serves the purpose. So I'm on track with the fitness goal.
I am usually scheduled to work on my book on Monday's and Fridays with two writers group meetings a month, but my mom can't watch S4 tomorrow and I have a dr. appt., so I'll let it go until Monday.
My last goal to focus at work is still going pretty well. Today was an off day because there was a big event everyone had to do, but I did get a little bit of something done. Tomorrow, focusing will be key.
I guess I'll respond to H's emails. Actually, I think I'll just say "nothing new here." Which is H's excuse for not calling.
Posting so much? have you seen MY marathon posting lately? jeez, I could be the next energizer bunny. Must be the turn in the weather.
Quote: I guess I'll respond to H's emails. Actually, I think I'll just say "nothing new here." Which is H's excuse for not calling.
I'm really torn here between thinking 'yup, that's just right' or saying treat him how you want to be treated. We've both struggled and kicked that thought around quite a bit. I think mostly you should remember if what you've been doing hasn't worked then change it. But keep an open heart.
Congrats on your focus of focusing. Maybe it's the beers that get you posting so much. Focus!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
When I put reply to e-mail with "I've been busy", didn't consider
Quote: I don't really want to say I've been busy, because that will be all the more reason not to call.
but more of a way to maybe get him to open up and come back with "Busy with what?" Maybe something more like "Been a lot of interesting things going on here lately" or something to pique his interest and get him going with more communication. The stuff you post here is interesting enough to have a conversation with. Try not to fall into the old routine of giving him an excuse for not calling. Good luck with what ever you decide. RonJon
WCW- Just saying "nothing new here," is different for me. I usually write him long emails. A few times about our future, but usually just about the happenings here in my neck of the woods. His emails are usually shorter. And since we started communicating again a year and a half ago, I always respond to him right away.
So, I guess I am doing something different by not responding. But, I'm not sure what response I am trying to get from him. I guess a phone call or a response to my question that's still hanging out there "do you want us to live together."
RonJon- H has often used the "I thought you were to busy too..." excuse. He used it when he acted like he was in a hurry to say goodbye to S4 and I and get back to his parents during his leave. First he hinted that I should follow him down to his parents. I thought about it for a night before responding, then the next day when I offered, he didn't respond. And when I went into my corner to cry about it he said he just thought it was too much trouble for me to go to-that I was too busy.
Even though it feels to me like I am always available and sometimes even pursuing with my recent emails about "do you want us to be together," he still says he thinks I'm too busy or it's too late to inconvenience me with a phone call. I'm not sure if it's an excuse, or he really feels that way. Maybe sometimes it's one and sometime's it's the other.
ANYWAY...I did email H back last night. First I responded to his "where are you?" email with "nothing new here." After I hit send I had second thoughts and felt like that might have really come across and spiteful after his last three emails. So I also sent a short response to his email about the truck expense, saying "thank you for the info on the truck-I agree that's probably the best way to go for now." There, that softened things up.
Of course, I was anxious to see his response this morning. And there was none. Ha! Joke's on me. Two can play this game.
So, let me get off that for now... Focus! 1. Today I need to stick to the food I brought in to eat, and have a nice healthy dinner. No candy dishes! 2. Today I need to get off this BB and focus on the major task at work. Stay on task Opti!
I think a 180 is in order. You have waited to respond which I think is good. Now just a short email like "nothing new here" sounds good too. I think it is worth a try.
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
Well H didn't respond the day after my "nothing new here" message.
On Friday I had an exciting event, the new rowing club that I advise got its first lesson from an out of town coach and the team actually got out on the water and rowed for the first time. This is after two years of nursing this club along, purchasing its first rowing shell, and all equipment. S4 and I got an impromptu ride out in the coach's motorboat and watched the brand new rowers. It was less than 40 degrees and had been snowing on and off for three days, but these guys actually got on the water and toughed it out. I was so proud!! S4 and I snuck ashore early though.
So I emailed H a three sentence email about it, since he bought one of the club's T-Shirts. It has been a big joke that I advise a rowing club, but the club doesn't actually row. Well, now that joke is done!
H responded to that one and said he had just worn the T-Shirt the day before. Then he asked about how S4 liked the boat ride and some other question I can't remember. I thought about answering his questions for a while, then decided if I'm really DBing here, I am trying my change for at least 2 weeks to see if it makes a difference. So far there's been no difference in H's response. No phone call again last weekend. But it's only been a week. Actually, I think I would have to commit to this change of not responding to his emails immediately for at least a month. H is a hermit who shuns communication sometimes.
Well, on Saturday, a package came in the mail for S4 with no return address. It was the Charlie Brown holiday movies. Instead of responding to any of H's questions in his email, I decided just to email back a one sentence question of my own asking if he had sent the movies. He responded the next day, saying "yes."
And there it sits. No phone calls from H last weekend again, no more emails this morning. It burns me how he has no desire to call. But I have my own things to focus on today.
Focus, focus, focus...
Weigtloss & Fitness: Today I need to stay out of the candy dishes and eat what I packed. I bought a new scale last weekend and it weighed me in as 7 lbs less than I expected to be! Haven't weighed myself in a while, but I'll take it. Just 15 lbs to go to my goal.
Be Present at Work: I have lots to get done this week. Last weeks deadlines were extended to the end of this week, so after I'm off this board I need to GET ON TASK.
My Book: Tonight my mom is watching S4 again and I need to go to the library or coffee shop and reconfigure my first chapter for my writing group.
So today...my food-not the candy dishes, stay on task at work, first chapter tonight.
Wait, are you sure they were rowing or were they using brooms on the ice? bbbrrrr But that is pretty cool (bad joke). Way to go!
Quote: a package came in the mail for S4 with no return address. It was the Charlie Brown holiday movies.
Here's what I think you should have done. Email H, tell him about the package that came for S4, and then speculate who you think it came from. Reality though, isn't that neat that H sent something? it shows he does think about his family.
Those phone calls, or lack of, are really burning you down. You do need to unfocus from that. Yeah, it sucks, but is it possible the H doesn't call because he knows that is exactly what you want? It's a control game?
What brand scale did you get? I want one too!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Quote: isn't that neat that H sent something? it shows he does think about his family.
Yes, he does think about us, especially S4. Over the past 1+year since we restablished communication, I used all these packages as a way to thank H and give him those WOA that he likes. And I am comforted every time H sends something. He is limited in what he can do to express himself to us at this point, so sending stuff is one way to do it.
But calling would be another way.
I don't want to blatantly give H a cold shoulder, but I also want to try changing a behavior of mine to see if I can get a different response from H-a phone call. I'm not overflowing with ideas, because we have very limited interaction. The one thing I can think of is to not respond to his emails immediately, and when I do, not go into the involved detail, answering all his questions.
It's also feeling pretty good to not jump at his every email. I still open my email every morning hoping for something from him, and I'm disappointed when there's nothing, but it's not quite so bad, when I know there isn't some significant email of mine in his box going unanswered.
So, I guess I have another two to three weeks to give this change a chance. It's very possible that it will illicit exactly 0 response. That's frustratingly my H.
Today or tomorrow I do plan to send H a very short email saying thanks, S4 really likes the movies.
