Opti, That's very insightful, the part about the e-mailing at the end the stress reduction associated with it. I'm at that same point myself and and hadn't looked at it from that perspective.
Maybe a break is a good thing at this point, a breather before the holiday season starts up. Can't figure out your H so won't even try but do know that being angry doesn't help things for you. Try smiling even when you don't feel like it and maybe it will become habit and brighten things up.
From your postings wouldn't put you at unrealistic, more like optimistic and with his propensity for the negative, that may seem like unrealistic to him when it's really not. You did good not getting into the past arguments, the past can't be changed so no use trying, can only work on improving our future.
Sounds like you have a good plan with the exercise, work, and book. Don't forget to throw in some fun activities for you and S4. You shouldn't feel bad about not returning e-mails for a few days. Look at is as trying something different and maybe a different response will come out of it. Don't know till you try. Pulling for you as always, RJ
Feeling a little less angry today and a little more sad. But, such is life. Split my breakfast in the car with S4 this morning because I forgot to pack him a snack too. Then when I walked into work there were two big bags of chocolate and I grabbed two of the miniature twix. I sat down at my desk and as I was biting into that first piece of chocolate I wrote down my points of focus to start off the day. The first one was weightloss/fitness...ooops, nearly forgot already. So I put the second piece of chocolate back. OK-good, now all I have to do is avoid grabbing from those bags for the rest of the day. And I wrote it down here to try to help me be more accountable...we'll see how that works.
My second focus point is to put my worrying energy into my book. I am leaving early for a dental appointment today and my plan is to get home just early enough to do some last minute editing on a chapter I'm working on and print it out for my writers group tonight. Then I have to pick S4 up at daycare and run him over to my mom's and get to the group.
But, that is later on, and my final focus point is to be present at work. I have let myself get so behind with all this planning for my future stuff I get so wrapped up in. Time to be here and now. I just need to keep my focus on those three points until January, then I will reassess...fitness, book, work.
So...I'm signing off for now and it's down to business!
Got another email from H tonight. He explained that he's going to spend 4K on fixing his truck instead of buying a new vehicle. He explained the reasons for it and said he would keep it another few years so "we" got "our" money's worth out of it.
Both our vehicles are paid off now and H has been talking about replacing his truck for a few years now. My opinion is that we should keep the cars as long as we can and put off taking on a car payment. But, I have been nothing but supportive of H's desire to get a new vehicle. It's not unreasonable, his truck is over 10 years old, he makes descent money. And it is his money. I don't bring in the money he does (although that's largely because I have to job hop).
So now he sends me an email about how he's decided to keep his truck and he is explaining to me that he will be spending a large sum to get it fixed and even refering to that sum as "our" money. And none of this is out of character at all.
After all that I have read on these boards about the way spouses can screw up finances and be irrisponsible, here I have this guy who is beyond financially responsible. A financial PRINCE. A saint!
Yet, he can't say that he wants to be with me. He can't commit to us being a family again. He is so bent on making sure we are financially taken care of. But being emotionally or physically present just doesn't rate in his book.
I'm not responding to this email either, though. I still won't deny that there's some spitefullness in it. But I am also considering it a DB experiment. Except for when we weren't communicating at all, I have almost always responded to his emails right away. I have asked him to call more often, I have hinted that I need to hear his voice, I have thanked him after the few times he has called. But he still feels no need to call me when he has access to a phone and he knows I'm home. So we'll just see if going a few days, or several before responding to his emails makes him anymore likely to call. And I don't have a whole lot to lose at this point.
Huh-I thought I posted earlier this morning, but it didn't show up. Anyway...
I just wanted to refocus this morning. Maybe that's a good exercise everymorning. I'm happy to report that yesterday I did not go back to the bags of chocolate at work. This morning however, there are three boxes of muffins and other pastries sitting in the same place. Wednesdays are hard days for me not to blow it with food, for some reason. So I just need to stay away from the candy dishes and other treats for today. Then I have strength training scheduled at the gym tonight.
Last night I finished my draft of my first chapter, took it to my group and they ripped it apart. OK, back to the drawing board. But that's good. I know what I need to do. So I'm on target here.
Lastly, my third focus point, being present at work. I just need to minimize the unnecessary multitasking I tend to do (although much multitaskign is still necessary) and stay on task today. I'm already doing better since I focused yesterday.
So there you go...stay away from the office treats today, get to the gym for a short workout, and stay on task at work. Just those three things today and I'm set!
UhOh, I'm bad. You make me feel pretty guilty, but not guilty enough to stop eating the peanut butter cake that is left over from the mega lunch I had to set up for Big Shots yesterday. It goes very well with my coffee this morning. I promise I won't have seconds, at least until after lunch. We all have to be good at something!
focus, focus, focus...
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
DO NOT look directly at the muffins, when I step into the office friday mornings I almost run past the box of donuts that always shows up every weekend, think of it as looking at the sun, dont; do it
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
With Halloween coming up, it seems like everybody has sweets and candy bars out. What I'll usually do if I can't make it past the dish is pick a piece up and tell myself to save it for later. Then when later comes, I'll go get a drink of water instead and give the snack to somebody else on the way or back. Works so far. RonJon
I did NOT look directly at the muffins. That was a great plan. I tried to imagine my corneas frying if I even faced in that direction. Success!!
RonJon-Chocolate speaks to me. It does not sit quietly on my desk waiting for later. Oh, no, no, no. It is my kryptonite. I am in awe, you must be like immune or something. That's amazing.
I just got back from the gym. Having a light beer. A really cheap brand too. I didn't eat the muffins or anymore chocolates. I focused at work, so much so that I nearly ripped the monitor off the desk when the stupid mail merge I had a student working on for hours didn't work. Tomorrow...I'm sure it is all operator error...tomorrow it will work.
Got home to a third email from H. This one just said "Where are you?" I guess I need to answer at this point. I thought that he would probably take note after a couple days if I didn't respond. But I'm also considering still staying quiet. I don't know if that's fair. But, if he's really worried, he CAN call, right? I don't want to make him think I've taken S4 and left on some trip or moved without telling him. But I'm also kind of enjoying not jumping at every communication from him. Maybe I'll just give it one more night to see if he calls, then email tomorrow.
Well, I did break down and have a little pack of M & Ms today while bored in a waitin area but otherwise intact.
Have you tried Amstel Light beer or the new Micheloeb Ultra Amber? Those two are the best tasting light bers I've come across. Just finished my workout and am settling down to a glass of Merlot-Zinfandel mix wine.
Would think that if you do reply to the e-mail it's best to keep it short, something like, "I've been busy" and not much else if his e-mail was a one line "Where are you?". Like you said, if he's really that worried, he can call.
yup, I agree w/Ron, a short answer would be good, I don't think I would've been as strong as you as ignore 2 emails, I think short answers are a great tool, as Ron says, if he isnt' happy w/that he will call.
I will share my 2 secret light snacks with you. Weight Watcher's carrot cakes, at 80 calories they are delicious! the have a whipped topping and will keep all the bad urges away, they look small but they fill me up. Dannon's Activa yogurt has pieces of fruit, very delicious at 110 calories. Lost another lb this week! I love my cardioflex and yoga class at the gym, I think that's helping too.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Wednesdays are hard days for me not to blow it with food, for some reason. So I just need to stay away from the candy dishes and other treats for today. Then I have strength training scheduled at the gym tonight.
We all have to be good at something! 