Turning myself around

[Freckle6]

P.S. In rereading my message, it sounds a little brutal at times. It isn't meant to be. I know you like input that makes you think about things in a different way so I'm trying to play the devil's advocate a bit here to change up your thought processes. It may look like a big ole 2x4, but it's made out of that featherlight balsa wood.

IMO, even innocuously bringing the west coast up like that will likely backfire. We're talking about the man who was threatened by your separate life while you were living together. The fact that you're looking for jobs XXX miles away from where you live now and are considering picking up and starting over again will send him running back into the hole.

I think you need to settle this one way or another with your H independently of a cross country move. I think that if you intertwine the two he will view it as manipulation. I also think that you're trying to become a preemptive WAW because you feel him slipping away.

I know you're not happy with your job and your location as is, but make sure you're looking at moving right now for the right reasons. Just like your problems didn't stay in Alaska when you fled there, they'll follow you to the Pacific Ocean too.

You said there hasn't been much intimacy during his visit--are you contributing to that at all? I know you're probably feeling guarded at the possible second bomb earlier this month. But, do you think that the lack of connection you're feeling with him could be due to you holding back and he's reacting by taking the cue from you?

What if for these last 2-3 days you act as if? Act as if you're estatic to see him. Act as if you're going to miss him like crazy. Act as if he's the best thing since sliced bread. Slather on that affirmation he loves. Act as if you would if you weren't afraid of your heart getting broken somewhere down the line.

You have just a few days of face to face time left here. Make the most of it. It may not change the course of the future, but you'll know you've put your all into it.

In my totally uneducated, unprofessional opinion I think you should be the loving, warm, adoring Opti like I just suggested. Then, once you've gotten your bearings back and he's gone I think you should sit down and decide exactly what you want to be happy. Of those things, realistically, what is he capable of fulfilling? What things can you live without providing X, Y and Z needs are met?

Then, when you're ready I would sit down and write a heartfelt email telling him how much you want the two of you to be together but that you can't stay in limbo as a couple who sees each other two weeks out of the year without an end in sight.

Try hard not to make it sound like an ultimatum. Let him know how much you love him and that you want to be his wife, to wake up next to him in the mornings and to be able to look forward to seeing him after work each day. But that the distance these past years is taking it's toll on you and that because it seems like it's going to go on this way forever you feel yourself starting to detach and it's scaring you. That you want to give the two of you a chance to "talk" about your lives and your future and what each of you wants in the future before either one of you gets to the point of not caring at all anymore.

Then, depending on how that all goes, make your decision about relocating. You can still send out resumes and get your feet wet right now, but I think that a move right now without his blessing would be a death sentence on the R as far as he's concerned.

Now, turn off the computer. Go jump your husband and make him feel like the studliest man on the planet. You're taking one for the (mostly) celebite team here, Opti! Do us proud!