Well, H's short visit is quickly coming to an end. He wants to get back down to his parents to visit an old friend and have a couple more days at his parents before he flys back. He says he'll be leaving Wednesday or Thursday.
I have to work today and will be home Tuesday and Wednesday. So I guess it's getting close to time to get my thoughts together if I am going to talk to H about stuff. I don't know. I just feel frozen by the weight of everything. I don't know what I should do. I know I can't ask him for any information. Basically I can only give him information. But, what information?
WCW, RonJon, I've read over both your posts several times and just don't even know what to say. I'm just frozen and lost. There has been very little intimacy between H and I besides sex. We've had a few fun moments. Been very polite with each other. But, no ILYs, no "us" time. Based on H's comments it looks like he assumes I will be here for a long time. He's been making all kinds of comments about major home improvement projects, S4 going to school here, where he thinks I should apply for jobs locally, even a comment about "the next" baby. But how can his assumptions be that off base? He backed off on us being together as a family with what sure as hell sounded like a second bomb. I think he seriously thinks I will do this for years to come. Maybe that's all I've proved to him by not filing for D myself and opening up to a long distance relationship. I've proved that he doesn't have to do anything to keep me on a string.
How do I tell him that I don't intend to be here for much longer, one way or the other, without making it a threat. Should I really just jump him one day and tell him I have a job offer on the west coast I want to take? But, what use does it do to tell him what I'm thinking. I'm afraid to because he'll use it against me somehow. My job application papers have been spread all over the kitchen counter where they've been for weeks. I haven't done anything to hide anything (besides keeping my mouth shut).
I know I need to think about this objectively and get my thoughts together, but I'm just so tired. It really has always been this way with H, just in differing degrees. He doesn't feel a need to be alone with me, S4 will always come after H's parents home and I will always come after S4, H refuses to give me information I need to make decisions about my own life. I'm so tired. Yet it's going to be very hard to see H go. Because I don't know when I'll see him again or if we'll even be married when I do.
