Yes, I did schedule these entire two weeks off, but then I canceled some and will be working half weeks instead so I can save some vacation for a trip to Seattle.
On the phone, when I pushed, H said he was going to spend 2 weeks with S4. So I imagine that means he plans to be here atleast through S4's birthday which is next weekend for the party and next Wednesday for the actual day.
So, H did show up yesterday evening. S4 and I were just coming back from a walk when H pulled in. When I told S4 his daddy was here he was so excited and started peddling extra fast on his little bike. Then when he got to his dad he put on his "unimpressed" face and practically ignored H. He acted this way for the first hour or two. S4 does this a lot to everyone but me. He can't wait to see them (grandma, uncles, friends) then when he meets up with them he won't speak to them or look at them until he's good an warmed up. So, maybe this behavior of acting totally untouchable by people who mean the most to you must be a genetically inhereted thing he got from H. A wierd protective mechanism. I sure hope S4 doesn't take it to extremes like his dad.
After trying to get a "Hi" out of S4, H came over and kissed my cheek and gave me a hug. So, he came as the polite, shy guy not the cold guy. I hung back and let him and S4 interact. H looked around the house we bought a little, then asked if I had any adult beverages. I suggested S4 and H play together while I went to the store and picked up drinks and some other things I'd run out of. But H asked S4, "do you want us all to go to the store, mommy and daddy and you?" So we all went. It was nice to go grocery shopping together again, that used to be pretty much our only family outing, when it happened. And S4 has NEVER been so well behaved before. It was as if he was trying to impress his dad by showing him what a good boy he is.
We stayed up really late waiting for S4 to fall asleep on the couch, then stayed up a little later watching TV and making a little conversation here and there. Finally, I didn't want to play the waiting game anymore and started going up to bed. I just came out and asked him if he was sleeping there on the couch and if I could get him a blanket and pillow. I thought he said he didn't want any covers, so I went upstairs to get them for him anyway. When I was coming back downstairs he was coming up. I asked if he was sleeping upstairs and he said "yeah."
It didn't take more than a few minutes before we ML. I had to push a few thoughts out of my head, but it was nice because H has always been very loving in bed.
So, his visit is going suprisingly well. But, it's a little strange. Because even though we are sharing this time together, it doesn't change anything. I know by now that he isn't committed to us being together as a family. If anything, this loving interaction between us making the thought of moving across country and starting a new life easier. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I don't feel like I have to deal with the end of the M at the same time. Maybe it's because I have more confidence that the end of the M (if it comes-I'm still leaving room for it) might well happen on my terms, when I'm ready. Maybe it's because I'm growing thicker skin and am more comfortable with the idea that H does love S4 and I very much and will always love us, even if and when the M is over. Something slightly comforting in that.
The only thing that this positive interacting with H changes, is how I'll feel about telling H my plans to sell the house and move. I feel like that would be a bucket of ice water right now. The very soonest I would mention it would be the end of his visit, if then. I will probably wait and do it over email. And maybe I'll even wait until I have an actual job offer. Although I'd like to atleast give H the opportunity to put Seattle on the places he would like to transfer, if he would choose to do that.
Well that's enough play by play for today. I need to get off the boards and finish another application I have going.
