So I finally got an email from H last night telling me what he bought for S4's birthday and that he would be here early this evening. He hasn't signed off "with Love" for a month or more, so I don't know why it should still bother me that he didn't this time. Just making sure I know what his atitude is going to be I guess.
I'm not looking forward to this at all. I'd almost prefer that he didn't come at all. It would make it easier for me to get on with what I have to get on with. But, I know that S4 needs to see him.
No matter how much advanced warning I get that H has gone cold again, it's still going to hurt to see it in person. All these things I hadn't considered before start popping up. Like is he going to get a hotel room? If he stays in this house is he going to sleep on the sofa? My sofa is really too small for that. But I can't see him sleeping with me. What's he going to be like when he knocks on the door. Is he going to act as cold as he did when he dropped the first bomb, or is he going to be the polite shy guy he was when he visited a year after that bomb?
And what is my reaction going to be? I'm not even telling myself how to act at this point. I'll wait and see how I react at the time. Which ever way I react, I don't expect H will suddenly turn into the man S4 and I need, so it doesn't really matter.
