Turning myself around

[Freckle6]

Hey, I'm back. Bet you were twiddling your thumbs and waiting, huh?

I can't believe the nerve of that man. I'm dumbfounded that he thinks he could just fly into and stay at his parent's home and think you wouldn't bat an eyelash. I'm furious that he'd not only do that, but not rush right away to see your son. Even if he didn't want anything to do with you, he hasn't seen your son in how long?

Anyway... I hate to judge anyone's spouses on here because we're seeing the worst pieces of them. But, you've talked about a couple of things that concern me regarding your husband. First, the whole thing about that if you wanted him to, he'd stay out of your son's life. Second, his dislike of you pursuing hobbies/career paths (ie. your ambition).

I know you were just as speechless on the first one, so I'll leave it at that.

Regarding the other though, I see it as a huge issue that if you stay married will either have to be:

1) resolved with some huge effort on his part--for some reason he's terrified of you having talents, dreams, goals, etc. that have nothing to do with him. Whether it makes him feel threatened, jealous, scared, or whatever. Those are his issues and he'd have to get to the bottom of why he feels the way he does and change his actions. Do you see him ever trying to address this issue?

or 2) You would downplay your intellect and talent and set aside your career goals little by little as to not upset him or rock the boat. In the process, over the years you'd lose more of what makes you "you" and that scares me Opti. You come across as a very intelligent woman who really wants to succeed in a meaningful career. I'd hate to have someone squelch that out of you because it obviously means a lot to you.

As far as what to do now? What do you want? I'm a list maker. I'd probably start a couple of lists. One being all his wonderful qualities and the reasons why you want to be with him and another of all the negatives and issues between you two. When that's done, I'd look as objectively as I could at them and go from there.