Thanks WCW and NNP for the support. It's good advice not to try to process H's email for 24 hours. I wish I could get it out of my head. I'm just floating around the office today like someone with a bad case of allergies. Swolen sinuses, pinkish, watery eyes. I called my mom from work to ask her if she could watch S4 after work tomorrow so I coult attend my writers group again. I ended up telling her that H was flying into his parents and wasn't even committing to a date to drive up here at this point. I wonder what H's parents think about H flying there instead of here. My mom thinks I should ask her.
MIL has always been a good ally, she says she'll always be on my side. But, she is also a very protective mom and not one to let go of her kids. So, although I really, really would like to know if she thinks its just sweet that H is still so attached to his "home," or if she sees that he's treating S4 and I like step family, I don't want to tread on her loyalties. I probably will end up emailing her again, but I definately need to wait a little bit.
As far as letting H take S4 for a period of time. I would feel horrible about it. I would probably have to get on a plane and go somewhere just to not be alone at the house (and I'm thinking strongly about that). But, I love S4 too much to keep him from his father. So what little attention H manages to give S4, I'm going to make sure he gets it. Unless it becomes disruptive to S4's life. But, I don't know where that line is yet.
Life has been hard for so many years now. It seems like high emotional stress is so normal in my life now. I want it to stop. But, everytime I see light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel seems to get longer.
