OK, I dusted off my copy of DR and will talk myself through the 7 steps in light of current sitch.
The current sitch: The last time I heard from H on the telephone was about 7 weeks ago I think. Things have been on an even keel for the last year with us talking like H & W again and saying how much we missed and loved each other. We were looking forward to his leave coming up in August. We had even broached the subject of living together again, for only the second time since we split (the last time I thought we came to an agreement that we WOULD be living together at his next transfer-but maybe I thought too fast)
Then his ship left to tie up somewhere away from his homeport and have maintenance done for 3 or 4 weeks. I didn't ask if he had access to a phone for that time, but I'm pretty positive he could have found a phone somewhere in town. But he did not call. He did have internet connectivity though, and we emailed back and forth several times, teasing each other about things. Then his ship got underway again for two more weeks. I didn't get any emails and assume they weren't connected. His ship got into port last Friday night or Saturday morning. I had sent two lengthy, pleasant emails about things and they were probably waiting in his inbox when pulled in. But I didn't hear from him until Tuesday. He sent an unpleasant email saying that he hadn't decided if was flying to his parents (8 hours away from me) or to wear S3 and I live for his leave. This has been a very big issue for me, because he still seems to consider S4 and I second in line to his first family (parents and siblings). He also said in his email that he didn't want to go with S4 to show and tell at daycare/preschool. (The director had suggested that S4 would really like this, and I agreed.) Then he said he knew he was an a--hole so don't even start about it. That last part sounded so much like the alien speak I heard during the bomb. And he hasn't called.
Usually I respond to H's emails right away, but I haven't responded to this last one. I don't know if it's more because I'm pissed and my SOP is to stop talking to him (cheeseless tunnel) or if I'm applying the LRT. I don't think I'm back to the LRT stage yet. But, I know I'm pissed. But if not speaking to him is one cheeseless tunnel, reasoning with him about why he should do something is another I've tried. So what's inbetween?
And I could always call him myself. But, I want HIM to call ME. Shouldn't he want to hear from me after not talking on the phone for over a month? If he isn't interested in talking to me, I don't want to be the fool that calls him? Too much pride? Or not pursuing in good DB practice?
He has said before that he doesn't have any news to report because day in and day out he is on the same ship, doing the same thing, with the same people. I can understand this. But, still, it seems like he would want to talk to someone different, like me, once in a while. And I'm getting scared, because when he dropped the bomb it was immediately after a period of being depressed and isolated at work, with no interaction with me for 3 or 4 weeks. Is he doing it again?
Well, that's the current sitch. I guess I'll address Step #1, starting with a beinners mind next...
