Thanks for asking and thank you everyone on this board for your input. For some reason right now I'm not able to attend and input to other's threads like I have in the past, I'm not sure why. I continue to write in hopes that my sitch might help others. I've learned a lot from this community and hope that I can continue to contribute as time goes on.
I really think this is it, but some days this gets very hard.
Today was one of those difficult days. This whole thing is very difficult to "work on" when she works out of state so often. But she is the one pushing for this and that is really what's making it happen.
I was very heasitant until I had a friend straighten me out reminding me that I love her and if I do I can't just sit on the fence. So I'm in. It's hard and sometimes I don't get why those of you on this board are so supportive, because in a way I feel that the situation is crazy. But she does too, which helps. It helps to have your feelings validated if you know what I mean.
I struggle to hold onto this. When things get bad I want to let go because I don't want to deal with getting over her actions. It's a lot and I don't know how much I should really tolerate.
She is in awe of me, all the more so because I am reaching hard for forgivness within myself. She does the sweetest things you wouldn't believe, well I wouldn't. Today she sang me a song when I told her how I was feeling. Unbelievable, totally out of character, yet exactly what I needed from her.
So to answer how are things. Difficult, I'm a strong person, but not quite strong enough I suppose. This experience is rocking me, yet I also find times when I am so happy it's unbelieveable. It will take a lot of time to trust her again. Everyday I have my doubts.
I hope I can let go of what it is that is holding me back.
