I'll jump in here. This is a really tough place for you to be in, and I respect your courage and conviction. This looks to me like your H has a lot of trouble giving up this fantasy life. I think once it ceases to be real, and by telling you he's committed to your M he's able to compartmentalize it into a stricly fantasy place for himself. This change for him is about discipline. It's about truly changing his reality. Whether you move away from OW or not may help or may not - the fact is that that is not the problem in your R, that's a determination your H needs to make about how he can best eliminate her from his consciousness. This is his job, not yours.
I think your H has to begin to see a fantasy image of YOU, and here's where you can help this all play out. Maybe there are things you can do to get him thinking about you in that way. Different things. Maybe you have to really do some 180s in this department. If your sexual interaction was all about him, let him know you're all about yourself right now, and loving it, or vice versa. Really get him curious. You don't have to be overt or detailed, but get that game going. Sooner or later he's going to have to respond to this.
I'm not sure whether I'm even aiming at the right target here, but my thoughts are that the OW is his issue. If he wants the M, then he has to figure out how to deal with this. Until things in the M are where you both want them to be, I think you need to accept that he is confused. He is likely deceiving himself as much as or more than he lies to you. I think his intentions are true, but he doesn't have the strength yet to do what's right. You need to continue to focus on what you can do to entice him, to make him want to work on things with you, to let him know there's a real reward in it for him. Then again, it might be time to put the pressure on him, lure him into the trap with you as the bait and then show him that he's not got a chance until he straightens up.
All in all, I think you're doing well.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
