Mama'a still rockin....

[PositivelyListening]

Hi MamaBear, I am sorry you have been suffering today. I have been obsessing a bit too - yuck! As if I don't have better things to do. So... I don't recommend the R talk. Especially not when you have been obsessing/dwelling on H. However, I do have a few suggestions. Make a list of pros and cons for your current sitch. Take a piece of paper, divide it in half vertically, and write the pros on one side, the cons on the other. When your cons side of the list is a lot heavier than your pros side of the list, it will then be time to take some action, for you. You could use that list as a launching point for a rational discussion, about what's not working for you. Then you could explain to H that unless something happens to rebalance the scales, you are prepared to take action steps to end your R and have him move out. If you are not ready to take action steps, because the cons are outweighing the pros, then you are not ready to have any kind of talk, and you are choosing for things to remain as they are. I have found out the hard way, that R talks don't help anything if I initiate them, unless I am prepared to follow up with action. Otherwise an R talk just confirms a bunch of stuff that I really already know is going on, and I don't want to hear. Only if I am ready to do something about it, would make "one last" R talk worthwhile. Otherwise, as was said before, it is pursuing - trying to get H to do something, say something, etc. that he has not volunteered on his own.

What I think is going on for you today, is emotions and a feeling that you deserve more (and better) from H. And you do! But you are the one that has to decide if this is a temporary phase with H, or if he will go on indefinitely like this. And when enough is enough, for you. In my sitch, for example, I have decided that H is in MLC, and that the A is a temporary situation which can not and will not last. However, to make this palatable for me (since H moves slower than I do) I have needed to set a timeline for myself. That does not mean I can not extend it. For example, my initial "review of my sitch" date was June. However, in May, I decided I would do nothing before July (for various reasons). In july I prayed hard, and the message I got was that sometime between December and March, my sitch will become clearer and I will know what to do. Timing is everything. Also in my mind, I have decided that 2007 August is an absolute deadline for me to see some committed movement towards me by H, or for me to move on without him. Right now I am hopeful that the spring 2007 will turn the tide. But I am also open to reevaluating again if my sitch becomes unbearable to me, and also I suppose when August rolls around I could still decide something else again. Anyway, I am suggesting that you manage your emotions with as much logic and action as you can muster. Work on yourself, set some goals, write them down, review them, remind yourself, prioritize them, etc. This will help you take control, as you REALLY do have control over what will happen, not just H. And you can decide when you have "had enough". But be logical about it, because every day there are 1,000,000,000 reasons that we can find to react. And obsess in our heads. Some of it is current, some of it is past. But none of it will help us at all.

Good luck Mama. I know how you feel. I have been thick in it in my head today also. Really thick, actually for days. I just need to take some of my own advice I guess