Mama...and GH...perhaps I didn't word it correctly when I initially posted...I am not recommending you do anything that you don't feel comfortable with....I am not meaning to tell you what to do...only how I felt when my H was gone and I didn't know if he was alive or dead....with her or at his apartment....Heck, he had me convinced he was sleeping on his office floor when he really had an apartment (thinking that made me feel like such an aweful person that my H would prefer a cold, hard, office door to home)....I was just stating that for me it did bring peace of mind and eventually I did quit obsessing and shut off the GPS....
For me though, if my H were coming home to my bed I would certainly need to know if he were "parking" his penis somewhere else on the way home....this is a life or death matter in my mind....even now intimacey is very limited with my H because we are awaiting his STD panel tests...while SHE told him she was tested clean, H couldn't guarantee to me that she was and in return that he STILL was....
This is my personal opinion....take it for what it is worth....but if I suspected my husband was STILL ACTIVELY having an affair I would NEED to know so that I could protect myself and my children appropriately...it isn't that I would necessarily file for divorce and kick him out but it is for darn sure some talking and decisions and agreements would have to be made.....like when I found out I told my H that he was not to share utensils, straws, drinking glasses or anything else of that nature with our son....Herpes can be present on the mouth and live virus can be shed prior to and without symptoms....I didn't want to have him infect our son and have him live his life blemished because of his father's misdeeds...
I also think if he is willing to say "It isn't what you think." then he should be willing to tell you both what he thinks your thinking (he could be using this to ease his own guilty conscience and feel he isn't lying)....and then to tell you what the heck he really is doing! and what he THINKS he is doing.....
For me, personally, some confrontation worked good...I think he needed to know that I had values and limits....that I would not remain a door mat for him because of the children or out of my own need...I had to SHOW him I could be strong!
In the end, things seem to be working out....he is home now...there is no OW in his life but me....and we are both working together for the better of our own relationship and that of our family...
Mama...I do agree that you need to take care of you...that you need to be ready for what ever you decide to do...you are a strong woman...
Now, get cleaning....enjoy your family visits....and say your prayers when the burden starts building up on you... I would even pray that the neighbor would feel a twinge of conscience and tell me what H told him....
