I know it's hard, and I also know I am one to talk since I am full of "good philosophy" when things are good and my PMA leaves me quickly when things are down, but I really think this is another case where nothing has changed in a sitch yet your MIND is perceiving that it has.
The bottom line is that if he leaves you, or you leave him, you'll have plenty of time to...well...do whatever. This time you are spending, admittedly happy time by all accounts, is taking time from your life, yes, but in a way it is GIVING time to your kids where they have two parents in their life, seeming to love each other. I am NOT saying that's a good thing to continue on indefinitely, just that you deciding that you've had enough this morning, or yesterday, or two days from now is perfectly valid, but MAYBE unreasonable.
I DO believe you have the duty to yourself to draw a line at some point but as I always say (actually Michelle says...) if you are not ready for BOTH responses to an ultimatum, or in this case, his reaction to your decision to "give up" then maybe it's not time to do it.
On the other hand, many people (shippd being the most recent one to come to mind, Tim before him, and many others between) have only been able to spark the REAL change in their spouses by exactly that, giving up. I STILL don't advocate that as a technique because if you are still considering the options, I don't think you're ready for that. In both shippd & Tim's cases, I think there WERE no options for them anymore. They had no more patience, no more desire to fight. It just so happened that their finally walking away caused their W's to walk towards them. I truly think it could go either way in many cases.
I know I am giving you mixed signals. It's because I think there IS progress being made and I think there are other things you can do other than have it be "over". I don't necessarily think an R talk is what you need, but then again, if it's R talk or "over" I choose R talk.
The thing that kills me, mainly because my W did the same damn thing, is that he keeps telling you "It's not what you think", etc. BS. If it's not what you think, then why doesn't he explain what it IS so you aren't a basket case every day?
Short of him doing that, I do think that if you decide to ride things out for awhile longer, you have only to look at your own posts lately where you talk of your PMA and doing things for yourself and your kids. If you want this, make it something you want for you. Stop paying so much attention to him. Stop letting things get in the way of what you describe as generally good times with him. If he's truly going, let him go with open arms, a smile on your face and the understanding that you acted with love and kindness towards a person who once deserved it... and may live to regret not giving it back.
I believe in you. Please keep believing in yourself.
