hmmmm....just a few thoughts for what they worth here...
Mamabear....I can understand the whole sexual cool off for you....you had a lot on your plate for sure....but I think it happens to many of us...and you're right, not an excuse and if H had of talked to me I would have seen his point...which I did when he had an EA 8 yrs. ago....I kicked up the sexual heat then and maintained....I learned to find me again...
Now for the controlling part....you know what, I did that too and it drove him crazy....I would even tell him which way to go when we were driving....when the light turned green....if he was going to fast/slow....if he should pass someone or not....when we could spend money and when we couldn't....when he had to go to the doctor/dentist/eye doctor....I felt like if I didn't stay on top of things it would all fall apart....instead our relationship fell apart!!! suprise!!!...he said he felt like he was an idiot...that he didn't know how to drive, take care of his own money, take care of his own health...and he rebelled!!!
Our counselor that we saw 3 times after the break-up told me to remember I was his wife....not his mother....that he was responsible for himself....and I had to let him be...then I realized on my own when I started to really look at how "I" was in the relationship....so what if he goes a different way if we get there....so what if he sits at a green light (someone else can honk)....so what if he decides to pass or not pass....in otherwords if I want to drive I should be behind the wheel...he managed to get home everyday on his own without me....he managed to drive all over without having an accident or getting a ticket... so sometimes...the "controller" needs to evaluate what they are trying to control...is it things they should...or people who can do things on their own???
I still struggle with this but even my H will say I am getting much better....he even laughs when I hit the "brakes" when he is driving....but I keep my mouth shut!!!....I just tell myself "That is what insurance is for."....but so far we haven't wrecked!!!...LOL
