Whatitis, that is exactly how I feel. If it were just me, I would be long gone except that H would have left long before me. So the question remains, what should I do?
It may be selfish, or my pride or my ego but I do not want to be married to someone who doesn't want to be with me. When I try to articulate this to my H, he swears it is not what I think, nothing is going on, he loves his "family" and wants to stay married. The key word here is "family", which to me means his kids, not me.
As suggested earlier I'm pretty sure that my H doesn't have ED, although I'm not ready to ask him. I think the reason he doesn't want to be with me is because he is with "her". He is a one woman man, always has been. (At least he has that much going for him) I think he will feel like he is cheating on HER if he is with me. I know it may sound crazy but that is how I feel. They probably feel that they are soul mates. Wish they met before 1993 (when we met) but she would only have been about 17 at the time. Together they probably paint the picture of me as the terrible wife, one he should never have married. The poor martyr(sp) must stay with me for the sake of our kids. I really don't think that he will leave his kids, therefore my only hope is that she decides that she can't wait any longer and breaks up with him. I know it would be better if he broke it off with her, that would mean that he really loved me after all, but I will take what I can get.
Today, he really did come home early. A little before 3:00 to be exact. He had some work to finish up with on the phone. Kids and their friends were waiting to go to the pool. We ended up leaving him at home and told him to meet us when he was done. He finally showed up about an hour later.
I feel that an R talk is on the horizon again for me. I just need to know what direction we are going in. We will see. It may be hormonal or just selfish, but I need to feel wanted and loved. I feel neither with my H.
