Quote: I feel like things are better here, except for the fact that there is zero intimacy. By coming here I realize that it will take time for feelings of physical attraction to come to the surface again, but dang. I'm so tired of waiting - will this be the day, night, or whenever we we finally reconnect? To tell you the truth I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of being the one to initiate hugs and kisses goodnight, with no response. I realize, this is probably how my H felt for many years and what let to the breakup of our marriage but I DO NOT know what to do to change this dynamic. I do not want to continue this way forever, I am a human being for God's sake. How long to I sacrifice my needs. Sorry for the rant....
You just journaled my feelings 100% except for the frustration part. I think I have that under control for now. Like you, I had to decide to semi-ignore certain things because you know what? Things ARE much better today and while I WILL NOT live forever in a sexless marriage, I will also not get divorced because "tonight was not the night." I HAVE learned from all this and one of those things I have learned is patience... I swear I have and since a LACK of patience has been one of my worst qualities, I am determined to make sure that it is NOT the reason why I make decisions to end or damage my marriage (and by damage I mean take seven steps back to try to take one or two forward). I will take some more time (BTW, time NOT spent over-analyzing this crap to death) to see if we are truly making progress towards a NEW marriage or wallowing in the remnants of the old one.
Oh, and Mama, while I was not EXPECTING anything, I was damned hopeful that last night was gonna be the night, lol. I even shaved my back in anticipation (hope you get that one)...
