OK this is strange. Really strange. I am giving you advice that I would love to give to my own W and myself, but just can't. It's like the preacher who can save so many souls but not his own. Nonetheless....
I would give anything for my wife and I to go somewhere...a little hole-in-the-wall bar, a place on the lake, whatever... and just have a heart to heart talk. Talk about everything. Talk about what we like, what we don't, what we can improve on, what our future holds.
As much as you feel in limbo, your H does too. TRUST ME. After the newness of the affair wears off you are caught. You have feelings for the OW and don't want to hurt her, and you have feelings for your life back and home. You feel trapped and in limbo.
Also, just like an addiction, the allure of the OW is not as strong as time goes by, but you keep going back. Why??? B/C you hope that you will get that same feeling you did when it all first began. Like a drunk who has hit rock bottom, but still says, "one more drink and I'm done." That one "last" drink is never as good as the first.
I think your H is at this point. If y'all do have a friendship, maybe y'all can just sit down and have heart to heart. Let him know he has unconditional support. Let him know what you will change. Let him know what you want him to change. Give him hope for his future. Make him EXCITED about his life and the future with you and your family. He is in limbo too.
Just my 2 cents. Strongbear. You know your situation better than me. Take it with a grain of salt.
