Mama'a still rockin....

[Mamabear]

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Update:
Have stayed off for awhile - even detaching from this board is good sometimes

Yesterday was H's birthday. Kids and I decorated the basement, bought presents, cards and made all his favorite foods. He was truley touched by all the we did for him. Had a really nice time.

A couple times he came home later than he should have, even yesterday, but I just don't let it bother me anymore. There is absolutely nothing I can do about it and making myself crazy is exactly that; making myself crazy.

I have been feeling a lot better about my sitch lately. When I weigh the options, a D would not enhance the quality of my life and reduce my problems, in fact it would do quite the opposite. Therefore, I am choosing to stay in my marriage. My H may have been experiencing a MLC, but I think he is slowly coming out of that selfish, self destructive tunnel. It seems like he is really enjoying our life together and not pretending like when he was in the midst of the A. OW may still be in the picture, probably begging and pleading with him to stay with her. Since I read DB and she didn't we all know where that will get her - lol.

Anyhow just wanted to let you all know that things are improving on this homefront.

[JokerMan]

Thanks for the post Strongbear....been thinking about you.

[Mamabear]

Thanks for keeping up with me Jokerman!

[Mamabear]

A thought just occured to me, posting it so I have a record of it.

Yesterday H came home a little late. Reason was he had to renew his driver's license. Ok.... he was wearing shorts, t-shirt and sandals when he got home, said he brought them with to change into before going to DMV. Well....now that I think about it, he showed me his new license with picture and guess what? He was wearing his work clothes in the picture Also came home with a bottle of bacardi rum that "someone" at work gave him for his birthday since they know he likes Mai-tai's.

See, I'm still making myself crazy after all!

[JokerMan]

Your overanalyzing Strongbear. It is what it is. Work on YOU.

[Mamabear]

I know, I know. Overanalyzing is one of my problems.
I cannot control what he does when he is not here, so why even worry about it. Even if he was with OW, it wasn't for very long and he came home to us and we all had a great evening. This is the note he left for me this morning:
"Good Morning Honey, Thank you for such a great birthday. Everything was set up so nice. I love my gifts and the food was very good. I Love You."

So, I am going to choose to ignore my overanalyzing brain and turn on my PMA and have another great day!!

[JokerMan]

Good for you. What is PMA though?

[Mamabear]

PMA = positive mental attitude.

Just caught up on your latest thread. I'm glad to see the direction you are heading i.e. getting off the couch!!

[whatisis]

Aristotle said "What it lies in our power to do, it lies in our power not to do" I think this applies to analyzing too! Be well, be happy!

[Mamabear]

Whatitis, are you saying to just ignore things?

I feel like things are better here, except for the fact that there is zero intimacy. By coming here I realize that it will take time for feelings of physical attraction to come to the surface again, but dang. I'm so tired of waiting - will this be the day, night, or whenever we we finally reconnect? To tell you the truth I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of being the one to initiate hugs and kisses goodnight, with no response. I realize, this is probably how my H felt for many years and what let to the breakup of our marriage but I DO NOT know what to do to change this dynamic. I do not want to continue this way forever, I am a human being for God's sake. How long to I sacriface my needs. Sorry for the rant....