Thanks guys - I really think you're both right. In fact, this power struggle thing was a concern of mine right off the bat when this all started, and I just didn't know how to resolve it. I guess I have to see what she's really saying (I do understand her better than I have demonstrated to her - it's just that I get too caught up explaining away her behavior that bothers/hurts me rather than looking for the real message, what her real needs are.
I'll never win the power struggle if I fight against her. Holding my own and standing alone is just doing more of exactly that which she resents me for. I need to show her I can treat her the way she wants to be treated, show her that I understand and support how she feels. I still have trouble seeing how I can initiate action to demonstrate this, but reacting in a way that does makes a lot more sense now.
The fact that she seems to be screaming at me to make her feel loved, to make her want to stay bewilders me. I think she does want to find a real reason to do so. I think she needs to feel like she's really special, and that she'll never be taken for granted again. I need time to be consistant with this, and I think I will have it. I need to be consistant in my focus, and not allow my perspective to get clouded. Hard, persistant work.
I smell some cheese down here. . .
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
