Yes, of course you guys are right, but I think what looks like beating myself up is me getting more real with myself. I'm getting a layer down now. I realized last night that I have screwed myself out of many opportunities because I haven't worked hard enough. I was a smart kid in school and could skate by without working. I think this became a really bad habit, and I see this pattern throughout my life. My intelligence will get me by, and sometimes I need to work really hard at crunch time. I have fooled myself into believing that I have worked hard so far - and in some ways I have - but I haven't done the hard work where it counts. That's what I'm trying to get at now. This isn't something that I can correct overnight, but it's something that will really benefit me to resolve. I really want this family to survive. I really want this marriage to survive. I want both to thrive, and I will do anything to make this happen. As my wife would say: stop talking about it and actually DO it. That's where I am now. I need to be focused and really work.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
