Muddle, I read your first two paragraphs and thought I was reading about my sitch! Exactly the same stuff. You get trapped into that parent thing and the R suffers. I too did not push for time together, she did sometimes but left it entirely to me to set up etc. I know you are feeling guilty about your part in this BUT a R is two people, it is the dynamic between two people. It is not one or the others "fault" (unless there is abuse, addiction etc.) What our W's did was walk away from the R rather than do the hard work. That is fact! You and I are staying and trying to repair the past and make a better future, and we are doing it alone. It is also important to realize that every emotional need cannot be met by one person, my W doesn't get that. I cannot make her happy. If that is what is required to stay married, it won't happen. People have to be reasonable and right now our S's are far from that. Your thoughts about trying to spend some time together are good. I have just done that in my R and, to my surprise, it has been met with acceptance. Take walks together, read together, go to a movie, the beach etc. I've said elsewhere that I approached my W about taking dance lessons with me. She agreed. It was something she always wanted us to do and I always said "forget it". Now that I have GAL I'm far more open and therefore willing to give it a whirl. We will now be spending one evening out together, without kids, every week. Will it make a dif? Who knows but what the heck. Hope my thoughts help in some way. Ya, you messed up a bit but so has she and everyone else! Go easy on yourself.
