Alright, I guess I'll try that approach - it does feel like more of the same though. Last night we went out with some people together and had a decent time. I stayed on the other side of the group from her and caught her watching me a few times. I was having a good time, and I think it showed. When I left (I had to pick up S4, so left earlier), I made the rounds and gave her a kiss (on the lips - after which she gave a look to her friend/accomplice, so I left thinking it was a bad thing and I shouldn't have. She didn't pull away though, so I'm not sure.) and then drove home. When I got home I turned the covers down on her bed. I thought it might be a nice gesture, and apparently she noticed. This morning she asked me why I did it, and I told her I wanted to do something nice for her. I have to really keep at things like that. Maybe overt gestures like flowers or sappy cards might be too much, but little things that leave little question that I'm thinking about her might be ok.
I have to say that I am somewhat resentful of the fact that now that this is going on my W decides to take her life into her own hands and face fears and become the person she wants to be. She's clearly happy that she's doing this (simple things like going into a store by herself), but I can't help thinking that the band-aide gets the credit for this. If only she had motivated herself to do all of this before looking for external solutions, we would have been MUCH better off. Well, I can't look at what could have been, I have to look to now. I'm encouraged that she's doing what she is regardless of why or how - I just hope she has the wisdom to know that her more happy state is her own doing, not a result of this A. I guess that's what I'm scared of more than anything, that this phase is proof that this is what she should be doing. This is where faith comes in, I think. I need to have faith in her reasoning, in her ability to discern right from wrong, and eventually her desire to make choices based on this. Right now her choices seem to be made to affect her emotions. Hopefully this will change.
Thanks for dropping by guys. It's so helpful to have people point out when you're acting like an idiot - however justified you may feel - before you do yourself too much damage by acting that way.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
