Thanks Mama. I really appreciate the perspective, in fact I think it's just what I needed.

I don't *really* think I'm being vindictive (althought I can see why you do, and maybe there's a little more resentment in me than I'd like to believe) - in fact it's not that I'm trying to hide anything from her - but when it comes to trying to build some mystery, she is keeping such tight tabs on me that I can't really accomplish that. I guess I should just comply, huh? I'll work this out with her later I'm sure.

The other point is one I have a lot of trouble with. I really don't know the first thing about doing this now. It seems the only thing I can do to make her feel happy has to do with OM. I compliment her all the time. I have tried getting her flowers, etc, but at this stage in the game this all runs against DB advice and would constitute pursuit. See where I'm at a loss? I do my best to make our interactions nice, and especially go out of my way to compliment her, tell her I'm proud of her, etc. Even in the midst of nastiness I make sure and point things out about how great she is. Bottom line is I can't make her feel happy. I can make her feel other feelings that she might incorporate into and overall image of happiness, but not happiness. I can be happy with her, but can't make her happy.

Thanks again - I have lots more to think about now.

“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ”
– Albert Einstein