I just sort of got into it w/W a little while ago. Told her I was going out, and she started getting all weird about me not telling her where. She started to get on my case about how it's courtesy to tell her where I am going, and how it's disrespectful that I don't tell her. She went on and on to rationalize how this was disrespectful on my part, etc. I was a little annoyed, because she's not entitled to be a part of my life, or know anything about it except for where it intersects with hers, which I make sure to keep her abreast of. I told her that I kept her informed of what mattered and she told me that she "feels" disrespected. Ok, here's where I said something that I probably shouldn't have - talk about INvalidating: "W, just because you feel something doesn't mean it's real." This is something that really gets to me. If she feels slighted, the other person has it out for her. BS. Grow up. Well, this led to her telling me that I don't validate her feelings. That her feelings don't matter to me. Mind you, I feel like she's using them against me.
So, she goes on, and on, and I kindof withdraw a bit. She says: "I make a valid point and you shut down. This is why we don't work." Then she hangs up the phone. Nice. I'm torn. I feel like I should stand my ground, because that's what she complains about, but yet she thinks I don't validate her feelings. WTF - she's determined to leave me, yet she thinks I should be kissing her ass and doing exactly as she wishes. She's a control freak, and when I don't submit, she's pissed. When I do submit, she's pissed. She doesn't want to get along, so we don't.
I have functioned as a placator. I don't really want to do that any more. When I don't, we don't resolve issues, as is clear here. I see her as being unreasonable - which, of course she won't accept, and I'm not really trying to be right - and I can't see a way to come to a resolution without doing what she wants and being her little puppy dog. WTH do I do about this?
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
