Man, you guys are the best. It really helped to read your responses. I guess I got swept away by the seeming finality of her decision, and how it involved me. I actually am happy with my suggestions to her, as they seem to both help her out and delay the decision. I told her that I thought it best if she do what she has to do to get herself on her feet, accomplish whatever goals she needs to such as getting a job, learning to drive our car, etc. and then decide if and/or how we will separate if that's still what she wants. I told her in the beginning of this drama that I thought her life was lacking in a lot of roles from which she could draw fulfillment. The fact is that SHE needs to do for herself in order to feel any fulfillment from her life, and I think she was hoping that I would change and all of a sudden she would be fulfilled, or that this A would do a similar thing. Now, even though I'm sure it's for the wrong reasons, she is going to accomplish these goals for herself and hopefully achieve a new level of personal happiness and a new perspective on our life together. I'm just going to hang in there and not take a lot of what she's saying seriously (stuff like she's going to stay in the appt we're in and I'm going to have to pay for it).
I'll be sure to re-read pg 216 - thanks for the tip. I have no doubt that she's not sure what she's doing, but I think she's almost picking a path just to have some clarity. I hope I didn't do too much damage backsliding today with her by talking in a hopeful manner and asking her to put off making the decision until she's in a place where she can actually make it. I did tell her that if she still wanted to separate at this point I won't fight her. I think this might help her feel less trapped (as I hope having a job and earning some of her own money will as well). She's the key to her own happiness, and at least she's motivated now to do something for herself. It took her 8 months to even start. I feel like now's an especially critical time in my sitch and I need to be aware and DB like crazy and not get scared or desperate. Thanks for your support - I'll write more in depth in a few days about some issues that came up in our conversation as I don't really have time now.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein