Thanks for your support GH. I'm not really ready to move towards anything, and that's exactly what I told my W yesterday. I told her that there are two paths that we can take, and I'd like to take whichever we choose together, as a cooperative effort at the very least for the sake of our child. That's why I'm not ready for moving forward, because we can't see eye to eye. I know the state of mind my W is in, and I don't think she's competent to make decisions that will impact so many lives right now. I know this is judgemental (and she has been blaming me for NOT being more judgemental of her in the past regarding my "enabling" behavior - in that I didn't recognize she was a victim of her issues and jump in and rescue her), but I am convicted that it's true. We agreed that we wouldn't let this A make or break us at one point. I am still holding myself to that agreement. Since all the talk of divorce is a direct result of her wanting to run off and have this fantasy life with him, all her motivation is suspect. She wants everything to be wrong with us. She wants to see fault in everything because it serves her end. So, unless we can decide the fate of our family on its own merits, I'm not going to move towards anything. I'm just going to keep living. This fool doesn't have the determination to stick this out that I do, and just on that basis there's hope. I don't know that this story will have a happy ending, and I hope W recognizes that her actions all influence our S, and starts to take responsibility for them.
I guess what I'm saying is that I don't really have a choice to make. It would be better for the sitch if she could leave at will, thereby making it her choice to stay whenever she does, but things being what they are, it doesn't look like that's really in the cards at the moment. I guess it's just a matter of letting the A fizzle and die and hoping that she and I will be on better footing when it does.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
