Muddle, I really feel for you because my W would be in a similar (hell she MAY be in a similar situation and is not telling me) situation if we actually moved towards D. She has no job, never had a job, no money to speak of, etc. She also feels like the kids vs OM was the choice, not necessarily me vs the OM.
Beyond empathizing with you, I don't really have a lot to offer. It SEEMS like you have two choices. 1) Continue doing what you're doing, trying to live your life and wait this out (maybe YOU moving out?) or 2) Actually be the one to file. I know neither one seems appealing right now, but I don't really see another choice. Unfortunately that means you may have accept her blaming you but that's on her. You seem pretty adept at deflecting that to it's rightful place (back to her) so maybe it's not so bad.
I think all things considered, you are doing fine. Just keep posting and we'll keep reading, trying to help any way we can.
