Well, muddle, some posters warned you that you would feel this way. I can't say I didn't expect it too. It's natural. As strong and DB as you are, you're human too.
I think in some way, you may have indeed expected her to have a bad time, or figure out that this was wrong and come back ready to work on things. You now know that you MAY not see that happen and are feeling the appropriate feelings about that. It will pass and then you will be free to evaluate where things stand and move forward.
Hang in there. You knew this would be hard. If it wasn't, it would mean you didn't really love her like you thought.
