Urghh, I just got my first phone call from W - actually I saw that I missed a call both on my cell and on the home number from earlier this morning. I tried to be civil, but I got the adrenaline rush and know I sounded a little short. I tried to be pleasant, but I'm sure she'll think I was "being weird". As if sounding pleasant isn't weird when your S is off screwing someone else! In fact, I was fighting a surge of anger and prevented myself from giving her a guilt trip about how S4 got his first bee sting at camp this afternoon and she wasn't around to comfort him.
She told me she called to say hi and to talk to S4. I was on the other line at the time and I told her to call back. I called back and put S4 on the phone when she answered and they had a VERY onesided conversation as S4 was busy with something and not really interested in talking. Funny thing is, he hasn't missed her since she's been gone. He has asked if she was home a couple of times but hasn't said he wants to see her.
Anyway, I almost wish I didn't answer the phone. I really am feeling a huge amount of resentment and anger towards her. I guess it's to be expected, but I don't like it, and I don't like where it's headed. I don't know if this is an expectations thing, because I didn't in any way expect her to call sounding remorseful or sad or anything, but when she sounded somewhat upbeat, I guess it kind of got me. I need to get out and do something to get this out of my system. I've been great until now, and even now I'm processing things, but I don't like what I'm feeling.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
