Quote: She later told me that she remembers a time when we first got together where she was doing dishes and I walked up behind her and hugged her and she thought "this is going to be a problem". She then said that this incompatibility wouldn't be an issue if she was more invested in me, and that she hasn't been in a while.
Hmmmm, I see this as something my W could easily have said and may very well think. I do these kinds of things all the time now, mainly because I want to, and WAY off in the distance as a secondary reason, because I know it was something she was missing in our R... or so I thought. MAYBE, and I admit that this is some of the "easy to get discouraged" bit you mentioned, she/your W was missing it in general but doesn't really want it from me/you right now... or maybe ever. Maybe the idea of OM doing these things seems appealing to them while us doing it is "bad timing" even though there really never is GOOD timing.
I think overall, this kind of behavior COULD be perceived as needy and an attempt to get them to reciprocate. I know you and I see it as just what you said "I'm going to act towards you how I want to and I don't feel the need to curtail that simply because of your actions." In short, I don't give a crap what you are doing, it won't affect my unconditional love for you.
I suppose that's why R talks and such are advised against. I suppose these kinds of actions MAY be akin to us saying ILY all the time or professing our undying love. It's pressure and something MAYBE better left undone.
That all said, I still believe in us expressing ourselves in these ways but if you know for sure, as your W actually told you, that this kind of thing, the little kisses, hugs, etc, are not really doing anything positive, maybe it's time to slow down on them.
As for your "free time" I really hope you manage to have a good time. I know in a lot of ways it sucks, but as you have already pointed out, there IS a way to make this a GREAT time for you and S4.
