Muddle, I must echo everything GH said. He beat me to it and probably said it much better anyway! I see nothing wrong with sharing your feelings and thoughts, as you did, re the situation. It's one thing to clearly state your views, its another to carry on endlessly and use those feelings as a vindictive weapon. You aren't doing that. Again, it just amazes me how the unfaithful spouse can turn things around to somehow blame you for not really being empathetic enough. Incredible! But par for the course. I think the WAS believes that what he/she doing is really moral (because they want to be good people)! He/she gets frustrated when we, the LBS, are so out of it that we can't see how hard they believed they tried. That's why you hear that old cliche "he/she had nothing to do with the end of our M" To them its clearly been over for a long time (in their heads) and why don't we see this as clearly as they do. "I never would have been unfaithful if I believed there was the slightest chance". My W told me she tried everything, what everything is is still a mystery to me cuz I don't remember anything! I guess although we have trouble understanding, there actually is a rational mindset there. You just have to dig deep to find it.
