I want to make it clear (should have said this before) that I think you are doing GREAT with the empathy and validation. Nobody could ask for any more. I don't think you are punishing her at all. In fact, you are being VERY compassionate towards her, something that must be really hard right now.
All I was trying to warn against is that resentment that could creep in just because she doesn't cancel the trip or end the A for the reasons YOU would like. The important part would be her actions, not necessarily the motivation... IMHO.
