Muddle, my time is short so I won't "marathon" you here. What I will offer is that you don't get too caught up in the real or perceived motivations behind things. It's the actions that matter and the opportunities they present you with, i.e. if she decides not to go, please don't allow yourself to be soured by WHY she didn't go, simply adjust to the new reality of her staying and make the best of it. Allow yourself the freedom from those "evil" thoughts and just BE with your W.
Sure, it may make you feel more secure knowing that she chose to take the moral high-ground, but in the end, the fact that she took high-ground at all may be the best she could do at the time, and in her own way, the most sincere expression of "trying" she's capable of. Don't punish her for not living up to your desire that she be motivated by the highest ideals.
