Spent all Sunday afternoon with W AND SD13. SS19 also ate lunch with us, so that was a plus too!(He doesn't have as many issues with me though).

Anyway, I thought the day went very well. SD13 talked a lot to me, she seems to really be letting me in. We didn't 'discuss' anything between us, but I could tell she was really giving me a chance. We ended up at the mall just looking through stores, at clothes and such. She found some insense stuff at one store and really liked it so I bought her some . No, I am not trying to buy her love, but I will sure as heck do what I can to get the ball rolling. Besides, I always liked buying her little stuff, i'm a sucker for that anyway. We had ice cream, we tried on clothes, we played in the mall. IT WAS AWESOME! I actually stayed around SD13 more than W for the most part, but not intensially. It's just she would keep calling me over to look at something. All I can say is I loved it!!!! I think she is letting me back in and giving me a chance.

W would take my hand and hold it as we walked through the mall. She was in a good mood, but I could tell there was some distance in her. That's ok, there was some in me too. We talked a little once we got back to her place.

It is very frustrating for me, she really hasn't solved any of her anger issues with me. Her issues being that she just can't get over the fact that she had to leave for me to change into the person I am. She loves the person I am now, Loves the changes, knows I can love her now without holding back, but is pissed off she had to do everything and leave to get me here AND is still scared it will return.

I guess I 'understand' but at the same time I am extremely frustrated. I feel like we are just wasting good R time now. She just keeps saying she has to get over it. She thinks 'time' will do this. I don't know, it's just in the 'meantime' we don't spend much 'time' together and I think that is the only thing that will help. I am so sick of 'TIME'!

We talked on the phone before we went to bed last night and agreed that going over the same feelings over and over are just making it harder to move forward, so we're just gonna let those issues lay. They are not 'solvable' issues. Sorry's have been said, forgivness has been given. I guess all we can do is work on putting it behind us.

Just bothers me that I have to 'get over' her affair, I have put it behind me, I don't let it affect us or us seeing each other, touching her or anything, and she can't get over what she is trying to get over. I just feel like I am in a relationship with a 16 YO or something. She is almost 40! whats the deal with that!?

Learn to laugh at it. People are people and everyone is human. Choose how you will act and don't re-act.