Well SD13 got and read letter last night. My W said she didn't say a whole lot about it. She told her mom she couldn't read it because 'it was kinda personal'. Although my W knows exactly what it says. In a nutshell, my W told me she didn't really know what to think of it, and for the most part her problem with me is 'I was just a butt' lol. Well, OK, I don't know any adult that at some time wasn't a butt to their child(from the childs persepctive). Anyway, she told me she laughed a little at one part, i'm assuming the part where I said I sucked at homework, but she also said she was a little teary eyed too.
She said she would give her a day or two to ponder on it and then ask her what she is going to say to me. my W told me she told her that she would have to say something back to me. Oh yea, she also told me she said, that there where a lot of things she 'wanted' to say to me a while back, but now it just didn't seem to matter anymore.
So, I don't really know. Guess i'll just have to wait some more and see what happens. I asked my W if she has even told her we are working to get back together, and she said no, not yet. I believe my W is very uncomfortable discussing it with her and I think this is a NO NO. She'll do what she'll do though, right?
We also talked a little bit about us and I expressed my feelings from earlier in the day. How I felt things were all hot and heavy and then this week things seem to be returning to the same old stall for time attitude. She says she just wants to take her time with this and do it right, which I agree completely, it's just after all the deception from the prior months, more talk about time with very little progress leaves me feeling insecure and suspicious. I feel a lot better today, more patient. She said she would like to spend time together this weekend, if that pans out, i would feel a lot better. I just need to see some concrete commitment to this process I guess before I can relax and really be my new self.
Trying to take my own advice about what I would say to someone else, I need to just refocus back on myself, what I can control and do my own thing. If she wants to just tread water and not spend time with me, I'll continue my G.A.L and find something else to do. It really seems to me though, the biggest thing standing between my W and I spending a lot of time together is the issues with SD13. So, I really feel if she really wants to get back together, she needs to tell her that's her plan, no bones about it! That's part of being a parent. If she can't discuss serious things with her own child, how is she ever going to discuss serious things with me!?
Learn to laugh at it. People are people and everyone is human. Choose how you will act and don't re-act.
