Need an objective look at this, I am so lost

[FailedAgain]

I decided to write my SD13 a letter. I ran it by my W and she said it sounded great! But, I should mail it to her so she knows it came directly from me, not through her. That was good advise. The leter is on the way through snail mail. I'm sitting on pins and needles waiting for her to get it. Getting on the right road with her is the last big thing keeping us out from under the same roof. I can tell my W is also anxious to get this resolved so we can spend more time together. I think she is a little reluctant to discuss it with her. I think she feels better that I am the one doing it now.

Here's the letter:

[name removed],

This is hard for me to write and put into words how I feel so bear with me. I honestly don’t know exactly how you feel about me, but I wanted to do something to tell you how I feel about you, and try to express myself and my feelings, past and present.



First, I want to apologize for not spending the time with you I should have in the past. I won’t make excuses for my thinking and feelings, only to say I was wrong, I didn’t look at things the way I should have. I know saying I’m sorry about that does little to make you feel better. The relationship we did have in the beginning started off very well and I understand I let you down as the years went by. I know you must have had a lot of resentment towards me, not only for that, but because my presence came between you and your mom. I just want you to know, I understand this and you were completely right to feel the way you have felt. All I can do now is say I am sorry, and I know it is pathetic.



I do love you and miss you. I especially miss the times when you would give me a hug, like at church or something. It always left me feeling good and wondering what I did to deserve it. I miss laughing with you, I miss hearing your impressions, I miss helping you with school work although I know I sucked at it. You’ll never know how good I felt to help you with the projects we did last year and you got such good grades on them. You will never know how proud I have been of you. All I know to tell you now is I would love to be an active part of your life in some way. I don’t know what you would want that to be. A good friend, a Dad-Like figure, I don’t know. I just want you to know, just like your Mom, there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you and I will always be there for you good times and bad. I know words are words but if you will just let me in a little, I will show you in time. You and your Mom are the most important things on the face of the earth to me and nothing will ever come before yall.



I wish I could explain a lot of things to you, it’s just at this point, they seem meaningless and are not going to wash away my misguided attitudes. [name removed], I want you to know, I will NEVER come between, or get between, you and your Mom. Your relationship with her is very important to me. I know you want to have a lot of [name removed]/Mom time, I think that is great and you guys do whatever you want, whenever you want. If you ever wanted me to tag along, I’d be more than happy to.



Lastly, I want you to know, if you ever want to talk to me and tell me how you feel or felt I am always here. I don’t know if you would feel uncomfortable or would rather not talk to me about it. I just want you to know you can, all I will do is listen. You can talk to me however you want. You can tell me anything however you need to tell me. If you need to bless me out, then you can. I just want to listen. If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s OK too.



All I want to do is wrap my arms around you and tell you I love you in person. I look forward to the day I can.




She talked to me quite a bit on Sunday and asked me to cut an apple up for her we picked off the apple trees. I can tell she is testing the waters, but there are obviously some unresolved feelings and I hope this goes a long way to get things going in the right direction.