FA thanks for your reply to my post. You said some very helpful things. I just finished reading about your ordeal on this post and God I feel awful for you. You W sounds like me in some respects. The whole 'I need time to figure things out' thing. Two things come to mind about that because I was right there. One, you could be right about he thinking (at the time) that she damaged the relationship so much, that what's the use in trying to go back. I know I felt that way. Logically I knew where I should be and where I wanted to be, with my husband. At the same time, I do believe I became addicted to the OM, dreaming up some concoction of a perfect life (of course he would tell me that everything I ever wanted would happen, that's what fantasies are). In order for me to be of any use to my husband, and to break away from the OM, I had to actually physically leave.
The other thing that came to mind was when she said 'I'm kissing my husband'. From my perspective, if she is calling you her husband, then she means it. I know that in order for me to continue my A, I had to detach from my H. I would address him, but would never completely vaildate him by calling him my husband. When I got away from OM, and I could call my H 'husband', I meant it. I think that is a positive thing for you.
One thing I found interesting in your posts is that you are already focusing on your marriage, not the A.
