Wow. Well, sorry you're here but it SOUNDS like you've got a pretty textbook case in a land where there are no textbook cases. I would suggest you somehow track down my early threads and maybe read up on my sitch.
There ARE similarities although my W and I have never been separated and have 2 kids. The similarities come in when your W talks about needing time and that she's trying to break things off with OM.
I don't really have much advice at this point other than to keep up the good DBing, working on you and try to let go a bit with her. She seems to want to work this out on her own for about 2 hours and then is calling you to save her. Don't save her. Make her save herself.
I know that seems hard, but in the end, if this IS the end as she seems to sometimes think it is, she CAN'T have it both ways. You can give her the time and space she wants but the cost is that YOU won't be able to help her when she wants help. That's all part of giving her what she's asking for.
Good luck, keep posting and I hope things get better.
