What Does She Want?

[toughlover]

Here's my original story

W says she "loves me like a family member" but doesn't have any romantic or sexual feelings for me like she does with OM (who she has broken off all contact with for the past 4 weeks). We're in MC and "committed to rebuilding or marriage." She says she wants to feel those things for me, but just doesn't. In the meantime, our MC has given us "assignments" (I'm supposed to work on loving unconditionally, she's supposed to work on being very "respectful" and showing her appreciation for what I do.

I've done a pretty major 180. I try to give her space and spend most of my time helping with chores around the house, not only mine but many of "hers" or the shared things as well. Started going out on "dates" once a week...first one went well, went to our favorite restaurant. Went back again Friday, and we just stared at each other, had absolutely nothing to talk about except painful stuff, which we didn't want to do. She seems to be spending most of her time moping quietly and griveing over what she had with OM. This just kills me, but I'm trying to be quiet about it.

So, it seems like I'm ready to move forward and her head is still stuck in the recent past. She's never moved out and we still sleep in our bed together, but there is almost zero affection initiated from her side. She'll let me hug her, hold her, kiss her, even sex if I want, but makes it clear her heart's not in it and she doesn't feel those things for me, so I've just mostly backed off 100%, aside from hello/goodbye kisses.

She's home, she says she's committed, but she mostly keeps to herself and puts the burden on my to initiate conversation and contact, which I did for a while, but she says she's just going through the motions and hoping the feelings come back, which part of the time makes me feel like I should be initiating some of that, and part of the time makes me want to withdraw completely until she "feels" like it.

What the heck am I supposed to do?